The tricky part about committing to a delighted existence is that for a certain someone (ahem) with a history prone to bouts of bitter and a proclivity towards an ever present and highly developed state of negativity, there can be many pitfalls. What I’m learning on this new adventure is the art of reconciliation.
When I opened my first bank account as a teenager, I reveled in the task of reconciling my bank statement every month to be sure the balance in my check register was a match. It was, I know now, a terrific way to stay mindful of my spending by actually seeing in black and white all of my account deductions in comparison to my deposits. Back then, my balances were very small, and occasionally, my account stood in the negative. Over time my balance grew. It wasn’t that my deductions decreased or ceased, but my deposits became greater and more frequent and when necessary, I learned to curb my expenditures to maintain a positive balance in my account.
In my quest to live a delighted life and to honor and foster the connection to my inner wisdom, will I become an uber-positive automaton who’s never bogged down by bitterness, insecurity or fear? NOT! I honor knowing that delight and negativity are two positions on my personal spectrum. I strive to move from a place of delight, more and more of the time, but to attempt a total renouncing of all things negative is not realistic for me, nor is it healthy.
In his new e-book, The Wounded Child’s Journey, Paul Ferrini states “Feelings come and go. Sometimes I feel good. Sometimes I feel awful. This work is not about feeling good all the time, unless that is what is real for you. This work is about feeling whatever you are feeling without losing the awareness that you are loved.”
My focus is on remaining ever mindful of my status and whether I am moving from delight versus the old standbys: fear, anger or frustration. And when I’m not on the right track? I commit to making small comfortable adjustments to right my course while staying present in my experience, good or bad. Further, I commit to applaud myself when I’m glowing and flowing from delight, knowing that a balance tipped in that direction will continue to grow and grow and always be strong enough to withstand the “withdrawals” that come as a part of an authentic life.