The other day, while searching my calendar to find time for training on a new spa management system, I found the sheer volume of activity logged onto the pages amazing. I took a moment to reflect on my life over the past weeks, which turned to thoughts of recent months and eventually to the last several years. My honest response was surprised revelation. Uproarious laughter exploded out of me at the realization that this is not the calendar of a slacker… the to-do list of a slacker… the life of a slacker!
Once the hilarity of the situation subsided, I slipped into contemplation. Isn’t it interesting that with all I’ve accomplished, with all the change I’ve successfully maneuvered through and all the growth I’ve enjoyed, I still relate to myself on a core level as a slacker? I decided to do what I do best when something doesn’t make sense. I decided to look at the facts.
Yes, I had a childhood filled with uncertainty and lack, leading to idleness fueled by emotional paralysis, but I’ve done the work and continue to sort through that pain. Yes, I spent a large chunk of my life struggling with chronic fatigue and overall ill health, but with time, dedication, inner work and reprioritization, I now enjoy wellness in great measure. Yes, I used to spend the majority of my non-working hours hunkered down horizontally in communion with my favorite cohort: the TV, but today I maintain a healthy and balanced relationship with “the tube”.
I have learned not to use the proverbial measuring stick to compare myself to others since: a) I’m unique and guided by my own rhythms, b) I’m not here to live your life, I’m here to live mine, and c) it’s a waste of my precious time and energy; however, when measuring myself against myself, I find even more evidence of enormous strides in my recent history:
- With little knowledge and no guidance, I built and maintain a website for my business
- I’ve taken classes and pursued training that inspires me personally and professionally
- I’ve developed strategies to promote improved health, and most notably
- I’ve begun to set goals, have allowed myself to dream big then taken appropriate actions to get there.
Dynamo… slacker… dynamo… slacker. The truth is I’m neither. I'm a human being having experiences across the entire spectrum of action and productivity. In my future, there are bound to be more times of great movement and alternatively, more times of rest and peace. Being a self-perceived slacker is certainly a low pressure, low expectation existence, but I know in my heart that believing in my astonishing capabilities is the true key to where I want to be.
Where do I go from here? Okay, the new plan is to NOT be surprised when I’m a hard-working, tirelessly energetic person ("a dynamo") and to NO LONGER define myself by periods of less than monumental production. GOOD PLAN!!! Now, I’m tired and headed to bed for a glorious guilt-free afternoon nap.