jostled and tossed about
too fast on a bumpy road
can't focus on what's passing by
and when it's clear
not liking what's to be seen
It used to be that when my road got bumpy and things didn't go as planned, I would convince myself that my world was imploding and that I was essentially ineffective or worse yet, a total failure at the whole of life.
I would shut down. I mean SHUT DOWN. I was an adept catastrophizer.
Today, I find myself in a place of overwhelm, disappointment and confusion with an unfortunate twist of less than wellness (physically).
So what's the difference now?
I know more.
I know I have great tools… even though I don't know precisely how to use them just now, in this particular circumstance. But they are here and I'll be guided or inspired and sometime soon, I'll know what to do. I'll take action, or shift perception. Things will move and change, as things always do.
A former beloved teacher, Richard used to say, "I know that I know that I know." And that is truth. And there is comfort in that, when I can convince my mind to let go of the tangle of it all.
I'm not enjoying myself very much right now, and that is offensive to me in a lot of ways. You see, just last week, I had the amazing realization that much of my reality is what I always dreamed of and once feared could never be. I declared to the world (okay just to Facebook) that I was madly in love with my current life… exactly as it stands… and me in it, just as I am.
So you can imagine, it's more than a little annoying that since this declaration my outer world and consequently my inner responses have been very messy. But that's another layer, is it not? Love is messy. Life can be messy. A good life that I love will sometimes be messy.
So the bit of road I'm traveling at the moment is a rutted, bumpy mess, but I'm still moving forward. I know that the condition of the current stretch of road WILL shift, because that is the way with roads.
The next stretch could be smoother or more precarious.
And, the scenery will change.
And I will ride on.
And when I do stop it will be just long enough to rest my rattled bones.
And again, I will ride on.
I hope you are enjoying a smooth stretch on your own path today, and if you're not... hugs and love to your jostled journey.