Scorekeeping and the Now Piece

keeping score
counting beans
stockpiling details
a hoarder of ammunition

this was my way
how I organized
how I armored
how I survived

I was right
and could prove it
no matter your preference
I could provide

a diagram
a flow chart
a closing argument
a diorama

from this place of armament
my soul lay to waste
withering between alive and dead
locked in a straitjacket of integrity

Spirit sent others
to unbuckle restraints
and I reveled
in unrestricted glories of life

Spirit gifted courage
to lay down weapons
and I danced
delighted at the lightness of the load

Spirit bestowed more
than I can quantify
yet the scorekeeper will not retire
she can not let go

she tallies and bristles at inequities
she cowers at the diminished state of our armory
she works tirelessly to prove our weaknesses and vulnerabilities
she paints a horrifying picture of our inevitable decimation

her tactics
so convincing
and terrifying
I stand ready to succumb

and then
come the memories
that I have already
died many times

and with each death I have expanded
and with each expansion I have come to meet another Me
and with each introduction I have deepened relationship to the Universe...
to the All

but scorekeeper
taunts to label
and define
who I have become

the inability
to place myself
into any container
feeds her hunger

fortified
she continues
her ruthless pursuit
and revolving we do go

I call upon greater forces for reprieve
to no avail
as what I yearn for
is not what I need

I ask instead for what is needed now
and recall my truth
with no benefit from scorecards
the "now" piece is all that ever matters

and I know she needs a larger view
that her sense of justice, equity and integrity
can be of use on a grander scale
with higher purpose and without judgment

to convince her to step-out and travel
to trust in life and be of service with me
this is my quest
this is my Now Piece...

        ...to be continued...as is the way... with all things...