Just this week I crossed a threshold, finally reaching a milestone that had become a significant personal monster. In long-standing relationship with this monster, I struggled both personally and professionally. I allowed struggle to define me.
I broke down some. I broke apart some. I broke away some.
In analysis of the situation, here’s what I know:
My self-confidence and belief in my abilities alone did not MAKE things happen.
My willingness and my wisdom alone did not BUST through barriers.
- My work ethic and integrity alone did not SLAY this "beast".
All these factors played their parts, but in the end, a strange brew of persistence, consistency, luck, unexpected support and LOTS of unanticipated elapsed time brought me to and through this accomplishment. After doing "my piece", the timing and unfolding sat purely outside my CONTROL! Not a fun reality, and one I wished I'd accepted sooner.
Breathing deep now...
Letting. That. Go.
So… goal achieved… monster dissolved… and as the dust settles, I stand pleased but changed. Not changed in the “what does not kill you makes you stronger way”, although I’m sure there’s a sprinkle of that. I’m also certain lots of beneficial outcomes can be identified and celebrated. But the change I’m referring to is an unfortunate disconnect with the essence of ME and my magic!
To be clear, I believe we all have magic. And you might think I mean mojo, but that’s not quite right. It’s a bit undefinable.
I can speak to it best in terms of it’s absence. You see, my spirit got dampened. My sparkle isn’t as sparkly. My shine lost some of its brilliance.
I survived my goal, but that's not enough. Fuck survival! That’s an old paradigm and one I’ve lived beyond.
I am meant to thrive and flourish and pulsate with wonder.
That is who I am. That is part of my essence. That is what I BRING to our world.
The other day, I had the blessing of watching a video created a couple years ago for a guest spot on my dear friend Teri Connolly’s podcast, FIRESIDE CHATS WITH CRONES. While I watched our unfolding conversation, witnessing myself in that container and experiencing a remembrance of me in my magic, an internal exclamation arose,
“There SHE is!!!”
I watched in awe. And then I cried. It was a good cry.
I’ve now set out on a mission of reclamation. I will reunite with my magic. Of that I feel certain. I share the story today as an invitation to YOU.
Find your personal magic!
If you’ve lost it, pray for reconnection and form a search party. If you’ve never claimed any personal magic, sharpen up some stakes. If you need help, seek it out.
And while you’re at it, celebrate WHILE you reach for your dreams. Do not wait for accomplishments. Celebrate you now! Celebrate you often! Celebrate you!
Let mine be a cautionary tale.
Caretake your magic.
OUR WORLD NEEDS YOU!
If you have thoughts on this you'd like to express, feel free to share with me below.